There are no rulebooks, no guide’s…only historic advice from those storytelling a warped account of their own experiences. I remember in my early 20’s excited and nervous at the same time, I’m certain something that haunts even the most confident of people and for a new prospective father something that has the ability to keep you awake at night.
ENTERING THE UNKNOWN.
What is parenting? How can the advice given be so different depending on who and where it is asked? Aren’t children the same all around the world? Don’t they require the same love, attention, guidance and care?
Firstly I don’t have the answer to how to be a better parent or many of the questions above, for much it is trial and error. As a father of two, I know all to well the struggles that happen, not just within the family but a divided one. You think you have it all planned then something happens and boom – they go wild and feral. Fortunately not the case with my two…so far!
Things are not the solution.
Despite the best of parental intentions and pressure applied to the youth of today, ‘you cannot buy your way through parenting’; with busy lifestyles parents feel that buying costly gifts and paying high fees for coaching classes are their only duties.
Experience not things, memories not additional digital memory, connection not isolation, truth not trauma…
Parents who understand these important factors almost all of the time teach their children how to live a stress-free life and stress free themselves. They are able to communicate with their child easily without conditional expectations and as a result allow a freedom of language, supportive of healthy parenting and relationships.
Are you parenting with stress? Has the current Covid-19 situation forced you to understand your parenting style and perhaps highlighted some areas for improvement?
If you have then these could be the reason why.
Always living in the past and keeping your children accountable for your outcome, your failing is not theirs. Parents whose minds are always dwelling in the past cannot communicate with their children, simple. Children easily forget their past and always live in the present; hence they are always happy or attempt to be.
Negative talk and approach towards others and society. Always finding fault in another rather than accepting and owning fault can lead to an unhealthy vision of the World. Remember the life you live isn’t a war or a battlefield. If you are constantly fighting externally then perhaps it is time to address those internal battles. Negative statements like, ‘You do not know anything’, ‘you are useless’, removes the right to make mistakes. Restricting and removing all risk promotes poor choices, isolation and an unhealthy and unsettled environment. Promoting educated risk management and accepting failure encourages children to learn from mistakes and navigate with a deeper knowledge of knowns.
NOT ALL MISTAKES ARE BAD.
Not accepting our mistakes in front of children, projecting a God like character in order to gain respect. People make mistakes it is what makes us human and able to evolve. If you are projecting an unsustainable character then STOP, PAUSE and get TRUTHFUL. Accepting our mistakes reduces the stress on our mind and the need to continually perform. Since children try to impersonate their parents, they too learn to accept their mistakes honestly. Children realise all our mistakes and replicate any unwillingness to admit and move on.
Constantly trying to find faults with the children in order to suppress or elevate your insecurities. They can’t spell? Social media isn’t a place to highlight their areas for improvement. If we constantly try to find faults with our children we will always remain tense. Instead, we should try to notice their good qualities and acknowledge them. If we look at the virtues of our children instead of finding faults with them, we shall always remain in a state of bliss.
Speaking authoritatively to those around you. Many parents are careful to preserve their image with respect to their position in the society even while talking to their children. Parents will never be able to communicate efficiently with their children if they have pride in their mind about the position they occupy in society. Parents should behave naturally with their children forgetting their career and their position in the society. Only then will they be able to remain happy and bring up their children efficiently.
Not explaining properly and assuming all are equally educated. Avoid dumbing down your own understanding of the world but accept that not everyone has the ability see the world through your eyes, knowing what you know or don’t perhaps. Everything must be explained to children properly. While speaking to children we must go down to their level; only then, will the child respect us and listen to us. However, because of ego, parents are reluctant to go down to the level of the children while speaking to them and thus, children fail to respect and listen. This develops stress in their minds. Parents must understand that they can minimize their stress if they communicate with children by going down to their level.
Unachievable expectations for your children in order to meet and fulfil your insecurities. Children do not like when we converse with them with expectations in our mind. Since their ego is very less, they immediately perceive expectations.
YOU ARE NOT THE PAST, NEITHER ARE YOUR CHILDREN…
As I said that the start, there are no rulebooks, no guide’s…only historic advice from those storytelling a warped account of their own experiences, sometimes we get things right and sometimes wrong…perfection is a manifestation of ours and one that our children if challenged aren’t that bothered about.
If there is anything positive that COVID-19 has forced upon is it is the need to understand our children more, putting aside our own projections and to really listen.
If you are struggling and need some help then reach out.
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